Radical Self Love

Hello friends, 

Recently I overheard some women talking about one of their friends. While I was waiting for my coffee, I heard them making fun of her, calling her vain for putting selfies of her's into a collage. "What kind of person does that?" they shrieked, "She must really been feeling herself!"

When did it become such a crime to love yourself? I'm sure I'll hear something along the lines of vanity is a one of the seven deadly sins!! Holly, it's a sin! Uuuhhh.....

It's taken me quite a while to fall in love with myself. Self confidence is not born over night, especially when we live in a society designed to make girls feel terrible about themselves for every aspect of their lives. It's kind of like, 'how dare I feel good about myself today'! And the sad truth of it all is that it's all about making more money. When you feel ugly, you want that new contour kit, or that brand new designer bag; because it'll make you feel better! Ever heard of 'retail therapy'? Girls joke about it all the time. I have girlfriends that swear by it! I've fallen out of that circle. 

Today, I've chosen several photos of myself in which I feel beautiful! I have this crazy theory that if I just look in the mirror and tell myself I'm fucking awesome; it ends up becoming true. I give myself regular bathroom mirror pep talks. You kind of have to. I talked before about my weird mixed emotions regarding my arm pit hair, and other female body hair. It's something that I have to continuously reminding myself that it's alright, because the rest of the world is given me awkward looks, and making distasteful jokes. It's a battle. 

It's hard to love some one that doesn't love them self. I didn't understand this until I was in a relationship with a guy that had no self esteem. I found it hard to sit there and listen to his constant ridicule of himself to the point where I became uncomfortable. This fact was reaffirmed when I started dating Bry. He's cocky, proud, and boastful! But, he's loving and kind, too. Having confidence makes the others around you want to do better, and to strive for more. It's a good push. And, it shows me what true confidence looks like. He isn't shattered by media, or what men are doing now. He does his own thing, and that's inspiring to me. 

I suppose this whole long winded garbled mess is just a long way of saying be kinder to yourself, and don't let any one , or any media tell you that you aren't cool. There's something about everyone that is super awesome. And, I don't think we should be made to feel bad when we're feelin' ourselves!! 

What makes you awesome? Share your own RADICAL SELF LOVE and let me know about it! 

xo. holly erinn 

Random Post: Life Lately

Hello Friends, 

I'm sure you've noticed how quite things have been lately, and if you've read my last post...you'll know why. Depression has kicked my ass lately, but I'm finally coming out of it. This post is the proof. I haven't drawn, sculpted, or painted as much as I have in the past two weeks as I have in this entire year. It's been incredible. Bryan and I are home together now, and it's been so wonderful to just be able to wake up when we want and do whatever we want during the day. The no money part is pretty shitty, but we're managing rather well. 

I feel so much better. My medication is starting to actually set in and I can honestly say that I don't hate life at all right now. I wish things could stay like this for the rest of ever, but I know eventually we're going to have to go to real life. That is unless something absolutely magical happens, but let's not hold our breath. haha! We started sculpting little things the other day out of Super Sculpey, and it's been some of the most fun we've had in a long time. Cabin fever is pretty lame, but crafts with my man is pretty swell. I heard birds outside our bedroom this morning and I can't lie....it got me all kinds of excited for spring, so I've been working with a lot of pastel and light colors recently. 

We also sent in our contract for this year's Sunday Market down at the Pump House. The first market is May 4th, and we've been working on things for it like crazy. I've got an entire MONTH to work on crafty things, and that's probably the best thing to happen to me in the longest time! I can't wait for the market to start back up again, I've been missing it like crazy. AND!!! It's not just an every-other week thing this year, it's going to be held EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY!!! Holy fucking crap, I can not wait. 

Anyhoozle....So let's talk about the craziness in this post. The very first picture is of a few really rough character sketches for a project that my darling friend, Colleen and I are working on. Most likely, I'll be sharing more on here once we get a bit further in. We're just in the planning stages right now. The rest of the art below is kind of random. The two single faces are doodles from my new Samsung Galaxy Note3, and yea....I'm totally in a love affair with my phone. Bryan knows, and he's cool with it. The mermaids were a present for a dear friend on the day of her baby shower. She's having a precious little girl and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to paint a tiny mermaid! That baby shower was so fun. A bunch of us girls dressed up like Disney Princesses and surprised her with all kinds of games and fun things to do that day. I was Alice, of course. Who else would I be? Duh! The very last piece of art here today is that of some cards that I'm working on. It's a series of greeting cards with various woodland creatures that live in Southwestern Pennsylvania. I'm so in love with my city and the good ol' state of PA, so I felt it was due time for me to pay a little homage to the gorgeous creatures that call our woods 'home'. Those will be for sale this spring at the Pump House Market. 

The above image is from a short film we helped make a few weeks ago with a few friends. You can check it out here!!

We've also been trying to take more photos in general. Every time we go out now, we try and look at least a little decent because you never know when the opportunity for a good shot will present itself. And the few photos below are just that...I mean, c'mon look how handsome he looks in this one!? And that was his idea for the one with my ring collects (and yea, that's totally not all of them). I've really been enjoying all the time he and I have been given to relax and work on the things we enjoy.

I LOVE THIS PICTURE HAHGRFBKASDGBLAGBALGB!!!! 

Again, his idea. He snatched my phone out of my hand that morning and fiddled with the timers and ta-dah! An adorable photo of us on the front steps of the house. 

The few photos above are from our recent adventures in clay. It's been really fun scouring the internet looking for inspiration for tiny foods, and all the adorable things Japan has to offer. Japan and its Lolita fashions have really been inspiring me this year. It's like a flashback to high school ahaha! Bryan hasn't worked with clay before and for his first time, he really impressed me. But, really, I shouldn't be surprised. He picks up on things so quickly if he's really interested in it.

I think we're going to be pumping out a few more creations today. It's going to be a working day in our house. It's actually pretty hard to stay motivated in our absence/unemployment. But, we're doing pretty well. We've been planning a lot. The market starts soon (EEP!), and spring is just around the corner. That means tons of hiking and probably more photography than you folks can stand! I'm planning on scavenging through the forest for feathers, bones, and any sort of plant or flower that catches my eye. I started drying flowers a little bit last year, and cant' wait to continue again this year! Pictures to come, don't you fret!

Overall, I'm feeling pretty good, and am excited to get back into the swing of things. I'm not rushing, trust me. This month is still going to be very slow for me, because otherwise I'll just be back to where I started. I still haven't found a therapy place yet, I've gotten discouraged because of all the places turning me away...but I'll figure it out eventually. I'm doing pretty good though for now, and that's something to smile about.

And a gratuitous picture of our beautiful cat, Pepper in mid-sneak. I caught her.


xo.
Holly

Random Post: Just My Luck

bad luck by holly-erinn featuring ALDO

Hello Friends, 

The above polyvore has literally nothing to do with this post. Honestly, it was just a way for me to chill the F' out after getting home today. Today was a shit storm. Well....not really, just one of the first stressful days I've had in a bit and it threw me off guard with its tremendous shittiness. So this past weekend, I rented one of the big beautiful Canon 60D's from school. Yup, slipped on ice yesterday, and shattered....yes, shattered the lens. Fuck. Like, seriously life, you couldn't just leave me alone for like a month???  Now, until further notice, I am not allowed to rent out any more camera. I am supposed to be having a shoot this weekend, and now am scrambling around trying to figure out how I'm going to do this. Any body go a decent camera they'd like to lend me? haha! Oooh man....So...

This morning, I took the ever-so-sad shattered lens back to my teacher, bawled my eyes out to her (thank god she's a saint and understood), and then calmly when back up to work. Only to have the fire alarms go off not more than an hour or so later. The school was on fire. I kid you not. Something to do with the insulation catching fire, and something to do with the electrical system. They're all so cryptic up there. I dunno. 

Soooo....that took up 2ish hours of the morning and then they finally let us back in the building. Now because I don't hate my job like every one else, I decided to sick around for a few more hours since my first class got cancelled. I was like "hell yea, more money!" and life was like "ah hell no...here's some chest pain due to smoke inhalation". Thanks, life....you rock. 

Blah. Then I went home, skipped my second class of the day to just come home and attempt to breathe without feeling like I just ran up 100 stairs. Anyway, my rant is over. I'm home and snuggley. Bryan is playing video games in the same room while I type this out and I feel a lot better. The rest of this quarter is going to be a bit of a struggle. But its nothing I haven't muddled thru before. Wish me luck and clearer skies, folks! 

xo. 

holly