fiercely uniquely YOU!
Hello friends,
There's been a load of thoughts swirling up in my little red-headed head this week. Since the trip to Texas, I've done a lot of self reflection, and thought about the life I want to lead in respects to how my family operates. The Karnes Clan are long time believers in heavy, heavy doses of sarcasm, word play, and testing one's intelligence. They're all crazy smart and have no shame in showing it. A good mind challenge is one thing, but testing someone at every turn just to watch them like a hawk in case them slip up....then send in the sarcasm soldiers...that's another. I love my extended family with all my heart, I respect them as people and recognize the struggles the clan has gone through over the years...but I roll a little different now. Once my mother passed, my world shifted drastically and I started examining how I wanted to live...especially the way I treated people--that one came a few years later.
I've come to learn that speaking to people in a direct manner, one that is open and clear, is the best way to operate if you want good results. When you speak in riddles or sarcasm it confuses your meaning, leaving people disoriented and wondering why they're even speaking to you. I like to be kind. I like to be generous. I like to be nurturing. I like to be gentle. Some may say I'm too sensitive. If something I say has the potential to hurt someone with my words or actions, I do my very best to avoid it.
My closest friends know that I would drop everything at the drop of a hat for them. If Panda called me right now and said it was an emergency, Alice was in the hospital, I'd call off work and rush to them...because I know she'd do the same for me. Because I am honest and upfront with my people, they are honest and upfront with me. There is no judgement, and there is no hesitation when issues arise-we work through things peacefully with respect for each other. I will always be a Karnes, but the family I have chosen for myself, my PFN crew (you know who you are), is my backbone.
Lately, the thought of kindness has been a headline in my thought process. In my every day life at home with Bryan, to my work life helping those with special needs, and to the way I conduct myself on the internet--kindness is always at the forefront of my mind. If I can not be kind, I do not speak. It's that simple. That old saying, 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all', is a guiding force right now for me.
For years now, I've been searching for my most authentic self. The me I was way back when, when I was younger, fierce, and didn't care what other people thought of me. There was a time back in high school that any thing that any one said to me just rolled off my shoulders, I never cried over people's opinions of me. I liked who I was, and I was proud to be on the path that I was traveling. Life was comfortable and I knew who I was. Life has a way of really testing you. The challenges presented by the years can change you.
But through the traumas of life, I've learned to be grateful that I'm still here fighting through it all. I've learned to love myself. And, I feel like life is moving in a better direction because of it. I've taken control of things, and I'm facing fears now that I would only glance at before I ran away like a coward and hid. I've grown stronger now, and I'm really excited to take this journey.
I am not ashamed of who I am, how strange I am, or the things that make me who I am. I am fearlessly facing myself for the first time without caring about judgement. I'm doing my own thing. Every single second that I am not working, I'm dreaming of a new painting, a new blog post, or a dress I want to make for myself...and actually doing these things.
Who are you? Where is your life going?
Have you written anything on the subject of self reflection recently?
xo. Holly Erinn
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